I thought of not doing an art summary for this year because I felt like I haven't been as productive as I used to be, and I was afraid to find that I haven't improved at all. But I also wanted to post something here. And I guess it's become some sort of tradition?

The template I used is once again an edited version of the blank by DustBunnyThumper on DeviantArt. ALSO: I noticed while writing this entry that embedded tweets don't show up correctly on the desktop version of this blog. It shows up fine on the mobile version though, and I don't really have the energy to try to figure out how to fix it, so I'll just leave it that way for now...

If 2017 was me challenging the intimidating world of plants, 2018 had me try my hand at drawing food! I find that they're really fun to draw! The gyuudon one is probably the one thing I'm most proud of drawing this year. It felt like too much of a challenge, so I'm really glad that it turned out as good as it did! But mostly I enjoy painting sweets like ice cream, especially when they're very colorful. Instragrammable food are really useful references for this kind of thing.

To people who have known me for a long time, I'm sure they all think that I haven't grown up at all and unfortunately they're not completely wrong. I've definitely changed. I am no longer the same person I was last year or even half a year ago. But all those changes are things that people cannot see and I cannot talk about without a 50,000-word preface for context, and some are things that put me several steps back instead of forward. As much as I'd like to think I'm a much, much better person now than I was before, that I've grown up a little at least on the inside, there are still hurdles that I cannot overcome.

Do I at least get points for acquiring the ability to reflect on my wrongs? They say better late that never. If I am forever haunted by the horrible, or stupid, or horrible and stupid things I've done, that's got to count for... something.... right...?

I've decided not to post my art on Instagram anymore and just try to make that more presentable, like something I wouldn't be too embarrassed to show people irl or just normies in general. So while I think I can post toy photography or video game screenshots once in a while, they'll have to fit a certain aesthetic and I'm mostly just gonna post food and places. In a way, curating my Instagram page like this should count as art too, right?

When Ex-Aid ended, my inspiration also fizzled out. Other shows have been quite enjoyable, but none have lit a fire in me as bright and hot as Ex-Aid had, and its end really left a giant crater in my creative life.  In my last art summary entry, I mentioned that I'll probably keep drawing self-indulgent Ex-Aid art until the beginning of 2018. Joke's on you, past self. I'm still drawing self indulgent Ex-Aid art until now!

It's likely that someday I'll find a new obsession, but for now, my brain is just a vessel for aggressive disquiet.

Aside from feeling very uninspired for most of 2018, the later half of the year was just me rapidly turning into an anxious wreck. I mean I've always been weirdly anxious about the dumbest things, but recently it's just gotten so much worse that it's showing physical signs too. It's frustrating. And since lack of inspiration and my tiny carbon body filled to the brim with anxiety is not a good combination for anything, especially not for creative pursuits, I decided not to participate in Inktober this year. Then again I was never really satisfied with anything I put out for Inktober in the previous years, so maybe it's better this way...

2018 wasn't a productive year and I'm really disappointed at how it turned out. Although it was so much easier to dig through my art now since there aren't many, that also meant there's not a lot of choices. I hope 2019 will be a more inspired year, and I hope I get to post more on this blog too. I don't think I can quite reach the 64 entry count from 2015 again, but let's at least try for 24! Or at the very least, not the sad 12 from 2017!!

Let's work hard again next year!